First You Belong
I know this is not the answer she is expecting. I am a social worker, and she’s looking for tools that would help this young man fit in better, and so her congregants can feel more at ease. However, I have learned that clinical tools, while valuable, can actually perpetuate discrimination against people with disabilities if they are not used in a context of belonging and deep acceptance. If a church begins from a place of trying to help someone fit in with the “norm” or creating separate spaces for people with disabilities, they miss out on the messy and beautiful work of vulnerability. They miss the opportunity to embrace others, and themselves, exactly as they are, and to understand belonging in a transformative way.
Embodied Learning
We, as a society, have taught and absorbed that friendship is only for people that can intellectually ascend to meet one another. Have similar interests, have deep conversations, participate in the same activities, and do nice things for each other. Therefore it is easy to act from the implicit belief that people like Jack, that are most often characterized by words like Autism and non-verbal, cannot participate in the basic human function of friendship. And yet, Jack provides me with a type of deep friendship that is unique: rest from expectations.